Two Much
I’ll never forget the feeling in my body when I said goodbye to my little son in the early hours of the morning as we left to get his baby sister out of my belly via C-section.
Our sweet au pair Agustina held him and passed him to me. With my big, 39-week belly in a white tank and some mint knit Skims sweats (yes, they make non bodycon things) I propped him onto the kitchen counter, looked up at his little, beautiful round face and felt my heart almost evaporate.
Tears came as I hugged him and told him I loved him, then turned towards the door of our apartment with Andrew.
This Uber ride to the hospital was much different than one just 14 months ago for my Trey’s birthday. Irie girl had her date all set and we were calm as the sun was still asleep.
At the hospital entrance I took a selfie video with my blue mask on and touched my stomach, “Time to get our girl!” I said for my memories.
It was quiet, and after they scanned our foreheads for our temperature we walked down the hall to the elevator bank. The last time I was here I was wheeled on a wheelchair agonizing in contractions. They shouldn’t even be called contractions when they feel that insane.
Either way, this time no contractions since we had the planned C-section. She was totally healthy, we made this choice and stand by it.
From the waiting area upstairs to our pre-surgery room, Andrew and I smiled and relaxed into the moment, knowing our girl would be here very soon.
She came probably an hour after we got to the hospital, Drake’s voice on Andrew’s Spotify singing “Come with me, fly you out to Greece,” as the songs cycled from John Legend to maybe Daniel Caesar.
It was anything but traumatic, and I think we laughed more than cried in that operating room — me talking to the anesthesiologist about their weekend plans or daycare or something random.
Irie, like her brother, changed my life. And even if my pregnancy was chill and her birth was lit, the postpartum experience to follow would be one that would rock me to the core. I’m grateful for her and these moments to remind me that although I am a zen fertility goddess, I’m also human.
